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![]() Posted: Post subject: gettin tested tmrw |
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hi
i have recently returned from a holiday in thailand where i very foolishly n drunkenly had unprotected S-- with a thai girl. that was 4 weeks ago n i now have a sore throat n swollen glands. i have kind of resided myself 2 the fact that i have been infected n am showin syptoms of early phase hiv. 2 say im absolutely sh*ttin myself is an understatement.
i hardly drink n look after myself well. i have a good job n an uncomplicated life that i love. n its hard 2 believe that one moment of madness can affect ur life so much.
iv been thru a few different emotions. denial (this cant be happenin 2 me), bargainin (i will never have unprotected S-- again). but my 2 main emotions have been anger (at myself 4 bein so stupid), n fear!
if i do test positive i dont think i will tell anyone until i absoulutely had to. from lookin online i gather that sufferers can live a relatively normal n healthy life these days due 2 advances in medication. this may sound terrible but i hope my parents could die without ever knowin. i dont live close 2 any of my family n dont have many friends outside of work.
i was goin 2 get tested at my gp's but dont want it 2 go on my medical records as work may want 2 look at these if i applied 4 a promotion. so im goin 2 a fastest clinic tmrw. my gp would probably have 2 know in due course but the results are available within an hour at the clinic whereas i would have 2 wait a week via the gp route. n i couldnt live another week like this.
i know that testin negative tmrw doesnt mean that i havent def been infected n i would need another test in a couple of months. but it would give me hope.
besides, if the symptoms im showin were related 2 hiv then the test would be positive right, as it would mean my body was preducin antibodies. is this correct? maybe somebody could advise me on this.
if i do test negative i can guarantee that i will never put myself at this risk again. i just wish....
whatever the result tmrw my love thoughts will from now on forever be with anyone affected.
take care xx
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